A Calm and Completely Rational Rant About Reindeer Cars

It appears the festive season is upon us, it’s time to stick up the Christmas tree, decorate it, then leave mother to redecorate it in a much more suitable color scheme that doesn't clash with our rug, or the pet dogs coat so much. The reason I know it’s Christmas time, isn't because the calendar says so, or because my local shopping center is now full of enormous candy canes, but sadly because our roads are now littered with hideous, disgusting, and moronic ‘Reindeer Cars’. 

Words cannot describe how wrong this is..

It’s a big problem in my neck of the woods. Just about every second car is fitted with a big red pom pom, and some antlers, and the number of nauseating ‘Reindeer Cars’ swells substantially day by day. They need to be stopped. Now before you accuse me of being something of a Grinch, and a ‘hater’ of the Christmas spirit do hear me out. I love Christmas time, it’s a great opportunity to spend time with family, receive gifts, and be jolly. The weathers generally good too. And I’m all for decorating the house with Christmas ornaments. But when you stick a red fluffy thing to the nose of your car and some stuffed pieces of fabric that vaguely resemble antlers or rabbits poop to you’re car with the intention of some how transforming your car into a reindeer, you are essentially shouting out to the world that your life is miserable.

But that doesn't mean you have to make everyone else’s lives miserable by making you’re car look horrible.

I suppose these sadists might suggest that decorating your car with reindeer like features is similar to decorating you’re house with Christmas decorations. But it just isn’t. You don’t see people transforming their homes into reindeer's like you do with a car, I suspect this might be because no one is actually daft enough to produce a red fluffy thing and a set of antlers large enough so that when attached to the average sized home it would be instantly recognizable as a ‘Reindeer House’.

These ‘Reindeer Cars’ are almost as bad as the ‘my family’ stickers you can put on your car. The point is, if you've got a pet dog you stick a dog on your car, then if you get a husband, who is, say a gardener, you put a picture of a gardener on your car, and so on. And people then know that you’re not a very good driver and that just because you’re indicating left, doesn't necessarily mean you’re going to turn left. Providing a valuable service to all road users. And everyone knows this so we all just laugh at people who have ‘my family’ stickers on their car even though they are incredibly annoying, because to be honest, I don’t care much about who is in your family. ‘Reindeer Cars’ however haven’t quite reached the joke status yet, so instead they are like a road rage inducing device that should -and I’m being completely rational here - be illegal. Or at least become an over the counter deal, where people look as though they are disgusted to see you buying such a horrid product, like buying cigarettes or condoms. The confused elderly should shout profane words at you, housewives (who are the main culprits when it comes to reindeer cars) should shake their heads, and men, young and old should snicker. It’s the only way we can rid the streets of these reindeer cars and restore order and pride back into motoring.

You poor thing..

Earlier today I saw a Mercedes-Benz, the proud three pointed star was absent, and in its place was a stupid bright red pom pom which I can only assume is supposed to represent a reindeer. I don’t think you can degrade a car much more than forcing it to wear a hideous reindeer costume, especially if it covers its hounorable badge. But how much more can you degrade yourself? Your car is in no way shape or form a reindeer, and it never will be, no matter how much money you spend on car to reindeer transformation products.

So please, stop the reindeer nonsense, you’re scaring the children, and making a fool of yourself and your car. The car deserves better. Unless it’s a Ssangyong.. Then do all the weird reindeer stuff you want, just don’t go out in public.