If you live in an area where people drive Audi’s, never,
ever drive a convertible with the roof down at night, because you will crash,
and you will be killed. My concerns come after driving home from a friends
house last night, it was a warm night, so I decided to put the roof down on my
mx-5. Seemed like a nice idea, but it was a catastrophic mistake as I would later
learn.
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| We've all seen this grille in our rear vision mirror. |
Not long after leaving my friends place I had an Audi Q7
right up my chuff. And it wasn't like I was tootling along completely unaware
of the speed limit, like the elderly do. That would be understandable, but I
was doing the speed limit as you’re supposed to in order to stop the rozzers
impounding your car and crushing it while you watch and weep. But this is just
what Audi drivers do, and I would normally just put up with their deeply
irritating behavior and be on my way. However, this person must have been one of
the best of the best, a straight A student from the idiotic Audi driving school
because not only were they sitting millimeters behind my rear bumper and
therefore just centimeters from my skull, but they had their high beams on as
well. And because it was a Q7, the headlights are located approximately 102cm
above the tarmac which is precisely the same height as my interior mirror. So I’m
driving along with an enormous cock in an Audi right up my chuff, shining their
bloody high beam lights directly at my mirror and hence directly into my
retinas, completely blinding me. And people wonder why we make fun of Audi
drivers. They are just complete maniacal idiots who drive cars lit up better
than my Christmas tree.
Now, obviously Audi’s, like most modern cars, have very
strong low beam head lights, and I could’ve easily mistaken these for high beam
lights, except I didn't Because after over 20 minutes of agony, the moron in
the Audi realized that they couldn't ram me off the road by blinding me with their
high beam lights so they gave up and reverted sensibly back to their low beams.
This whole affair wouldn't have been such a big deal if I
had of left the roof up on my car because the tinted rear window wouldn't have
allowed so much of the Audi’s bright white light into the cabin and I wouldn't have been blinded quite so badly. It still would have been annoying yes, but
not overly dangerous.
But unfortunately I will now be a little bit apprehensive
when it comes to lowering the roof at night time, because you just never know
when an idiot Audi driver might appear behind you with blinding lights.
One thing I don’t really understand though, is why Audi
drivers are complete spanners. I can understand why BMW drivers were once maniacal
cocks because BMW’s are aggressive cars, the ride is relatively firm, the
throttle is sensitive and the engine is always eager to get going, so it just
feels right to annoy other drivers by sitting right behind them. But Audi’s? Definitely
not. Sure the ride is a bit rough, but the throttle isn't so sensitive and their
engines aren't as eager to play. Especially if it’s a stupid Q7 bus. So what’s
the deal with Audi drivers?
This is a mystery, but the only reasonable and logical explanation
is that Audi drivers are from another planet - like how men are from Mars and
women are from Venus, perhaps Audi drivers are from Pluto or Uranus.
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